I'll get back to my posts on progress, but I have to interject this, to get it off my chest, and also to try to catalogue exactly what I'm feeling when I read bad climate news.
Yesterday, I fell over this article.
Actually, I didn't even have to read the article, I just caught the article name on a post by someone over on Twitter. That was enough. I've read enough over the last few years to know that I didn't need to read this.
So what happens when I see an article like that? Or rather, just the title? I go cold. I just re-read it now, and read the article in its entirety, and seriously, I can feel the blood drain from my face. My fingers have gone a little tingly. My lips are a little numb too, come to think of it. My stomach is tied in knots. I'm nauseous.
I can hear my kids in the bath, their dad is washing them, talking to them. I want to rush in, and hug them, but I'm already really close to crying, so I don't. I don't want them to see me like this. Other times when I'm like this, when I've just read something really bad, I'm mean to them. It's not on purpose, but I just feel so stressed by the weight of it all, and by the fact that I'm responsible for them being here at all, and I fear they won't even reach adulthood before the world is literally drowned, so I snap at them, correct them, have no energy for hugs and love, it's so unfair to them.
Guilt, fear, despair. There is a little optimism, but it's such a tiny tiny sliver. I'm scared, really frightened. In some ways I wish we could all just instantly vanish from the face of the earth, not have to deal with what is coming. But life is such a gift, and a joy mostly, we owe it to ourselves to squeeze every last drop out of it, and fight of course, tooth and nail, for the right for mankind to keep living it. Undeservedly though, we've fucked up so much, and been so nonchalant about it, it's a disgrace.
After something like this, it takes me a couple of days to get back to an even keel. I'll be okay again. Until the next article rolls around.
Hi Jennie. Oh God, I know that feeling so well - despeir and helplesness, seeing how the world is getting messed up by a bunch of greedy, stupid assholes. In March that feeling was so strong that I had to stop publishing the social activism magazine (http://jasna-polana.blogspot.com/) I was working on, because I had to drag my mind away from those issues. I stoped to see the light, if you will:)
ReplyDeleteRecently I start to come back to it, but I try a different approach - I combine my social and political views with a spiritual attitude. There is this amazing docummentary, which I connected very strongly with. It's made by a Canadian director (forgot his name), it's called "Fierce Light" and I recommend it to you wholeheartedly. Check the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yh5Qvv3UIEg
It helped me to get a more optimistic take on the whole activism thing. Or mybe I am just an escapist ;)
I saw the trailer, thank you. Yes, it's escapism (do that myself!), but it's a necessary message. The message that people are not alone with this. If we felt all alone, truly, then that would be the end of us, right then and there. The only reason to keep on is knowing others are willing to work toward....something better than what we're doing now.
ReplyDeleteThe trailer doesn't really say anything else - to me at last - that it's a film I like to see (thanks for link, Martin). So either escapism or the opposite. - And then: I will say that escapism is MTV, Disney, X-factor and the like. To work with climate in an ideological (and in a non-objective) way can be a start of making up a new reality. I don't think that's escapism. - And here's another action: http://thinkprogress.org/romm/2011/08/19/299697/mckibben-on-tar-sands-action-the-largest-collective-act-of-civil-disobedience-in-the-history-of-the-climate-movement/#more-299697
ReplyDeleteBut that said: Thank you, Jennie, for a very honest and important post on your blog. - And still: The goal is to stay concerned about the climate (and not to escape the facts) and still be able to built up something else - and to stay out of being psychologicaly poluted.
Blogstorff - The tar sands and pipeline issue are extremely important for the welfare of our planet. It's make or break here. I've donated both signature and money to environmental activists, but I fall short on physical action. I hope by adding my voice on the subject does something, anything. Otherwise, I feel it's just an exercise in futilism.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad to know you apprectiate my posts - both of you, and hopefully others.
And thanks for the term psychologically polluted! Can you expound on it in this context?